fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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