Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
