that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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