Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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