Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
