i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
