I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
