he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
