I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
