He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
