I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
