When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
