You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
