Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The air was thick with penises
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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