If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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