my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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