YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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