hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
