You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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