I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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