that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
