just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
