Don't you send me to vm
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize