I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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