do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
