I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I want her autograph on my taint
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
