I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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