if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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