Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
