Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
