she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize