I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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