Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's the barista slut.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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