you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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