yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
