My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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