so that wasnt chicken after all
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
