so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
