Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
