I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
