hell yes lets make some ravioli
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
