i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
