she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I deserve this hangover.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
