I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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