What did we do last night that was yellow?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
