just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
