I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
