I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
