we have officially lost it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
