My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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