there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
