i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
