I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
