so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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