i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
