It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
