i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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