Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
