Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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