I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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