OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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