ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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