he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
