Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
