so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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