the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
