I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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