I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Text me some of your sweat
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