I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Be still, my beating vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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