I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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