I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
my liver is dry heaving
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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