dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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