things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we're so committed to being not committed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
