Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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