She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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