haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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