I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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