So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Terrible idea I love it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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