dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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