he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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