Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
