btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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