AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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