quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
