The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
