I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
