i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
