I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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