My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
