I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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